Contagious [Part 9]

I woke up and my eyes pulsated with pain so I just kept them closed thinking the pain would disappear. It didn't.

I opened them and looked around, squinting to avoid the brightness of the sun. I was alone. There was no Lauren to be seen. And not only that, but the fire had been put out.

I sat up, puzzled.

"Did a bear eat her?" I said to myself.

I really hoped not. If a bear ate her, I'd feel guilty. I scrambled to stand up quickly and fell right back down, onto my face. I laid there miserably and all of a sudden I felt helpless.

I felt like I should have jumped from the cliff when I had the chance. I felt so stupid for believing her.

There was a note on the ground.

I picked it up with my bruised hands and read it quietly to myself.

Dear Ivan,

I didn't get eaten by a bear. Please don't worry about me. I'll see you again someday, but right now I need some time to myself. I hope you understand.

Love,
Lauren.

Bullshit. Love is bullshit. She's not a Hallmark card. She's selfish.

I crumbled up the note and threw it as hard as I could.

I was alone again. I needed to remind myself that I'm the only person I can really trust. I pulled the gold cross that my father had given me out of my shirt.

"I need some help from you, dad." I said as I looked to the sky.

I wondered if he heard me. I wondered if he could help me.

I wondered if it was normal to feel like this. Like you could just die and no one would care, even yourself. Like I don't even exist.

I started walking again, in the general direction of the cliff. I wasn't sure how far from it we had wandered, but I didn't care. I was alone now and that was enough for me.

As I was walking, I remembered something my mom had told me when I was little.

"Life is hard, Ivan. All you can do is keep trying. You have to try. You owe it to yourself."

I guess this was my dad's way of helping me. Funny, since they got divorced a month after she told me that.

I changed direction. I headed for the abandoned carnival.