I sat in the grass, furious, and in denial. The heat and the hunger were getting to me. So far I had gone almost a week without any food, unless you count the ant that crawled in my mouth while I was sleeping the other night. I started to feel dizzy. Nauseous. Empty. I heard dogs barking. And then all of a sudden darkness became reality, and I wasn't aware any longer.
I started running, faster and faster, until my legs were moving so fast that it became a complex virus that wouldn't be stopped until it was killed over and over again. I was desperate for freedom. Eventually my madness deadened, at least the part of it that was caused by the heat exhaustion, but only after blood dripped out of my nose and down my upper lip. I fell over, hands grasping my stomach, and cried out in pain. Tears came to my eyes as I bit my lip and wiped my nose and mouth with the palm of my sweaty hand. It was crimson; it was the truth.
I lied down on my back, looking up at the sun and resisting the urge to squint. I wanted to go blind. I wanted another reason to want to die.
The heat was becoming a permanent part of me.
I was past the point where you stop caring. I was now at the moment in life when you get yourself ready to accept the other side of things. The life after life after whatever came or didn't come before it. And I was preparing myself earnestly. I was gathering my thoughts, and clutching onto them so tightly so that maybe they would not leave me as I entered Heaven or Hell or joined the dirt and became fertilizer for the next generation's Weeping Willows.
I was ready to gurgle my last words to the only thing that was a constant in my life up until now, and that was fear.
Δεν υπάρχουν σχόλια:
Δημοσίευση σχολίου